Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Instruments of the Apocalypse: Laws for Dummies

Yep, it's that time again. The time when I feel the need to stack up some double-reinforced soap boxes (so I don't fall through them, ya know), and tell y'all how I think it is and I think it should be. I have found another Instrument of the Apocalypse, and I fear, Congenial Readers, that this one is much more dire than the Circles of Death I tore to shreds the other day. I'm out to be controversial, damn it. Shout hoorahs if you want. But keep the boos to yourself. Like our Great Fearless Leader, I only like to surround myself with people who agree with me and who will blow at least 10,000 watts of pure sunshine up my nether-region. I'm sure you all understand. ;)

Now, on with it!

Laws for Dummies: Forcing Natural Selection's Hand


I not only believe the government should stay the hell out of people's private lives, but that they should also stop trying to interfere in the very important process of Natural Selection. Which brings me to my point:

Helmet laws, seatbelt laws, prostitution laws, and to a certain extent- drug laws. These are laws that are mostly designed to keep people from hurting and/or killing themselves. If I decided to be stupid enough to hop on a motorcycle without putting on a helmet, then I would really be the only one to suffer the consequences. Sure, you could argue that it would cost ALL of us money in terms of medical costs, etc, but to me that is truly irrelevant, because even with a helmet on, a person who suffered injuries in an accident would still incur some expense.

So let's put it this way: Natural Selection is a very important process that involves the "survival of the fittest". It insures that the strongest genes continue on to further the existence of our species. Any idiot can follow the law, because any idiot can understand that there are consequences to breaking one, such as getting a ticket or going to jail. But you take these laws away, and all of the morons on the block will come out to play. They will leave their seatbelts off. They will leave their helmets in the garage. They will try to snort pure heroine bought from the local pharmacy and die of an overdose. And perhaps most importantly, they will help to make sure that only the strongest genes survive. Genes that are stronger because some folks realize that there is such a thing as common sense that isn't mitigated by legality. Sure, there are a few mavericks out there who break the above laws anyway and pay the price. These people should be honored for their sacrifice made for the better of the human race. They are, in fact, heros.

With law upon law being pushed through in an effort to shield people from the impact of their own stupidity, in a few millenia we will be living on a planet filled with folks who worship Larry the Cable Guy, think Chicken of the Sea is actually chicken, and our national slogan will be "Git 'er Done!!" Actually, given the mental midgets currently running our country, we're not too far from that, but if it continues, it will be the end of the world as we know it. Do you really want that?

I didn't think so.

While it's important to give people the freedom to be smart, it is even more important to give people the freedom to be stupid. For the love of humanity!

10 comments:

  1. Now THAT is the Allie that many of us first came to know and love! We sure do miss you over at That Place Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good point...I never thought of it that way. But at the same time, I kind of want to keep the laws around that ensure those idiots are less inclined to do dangerous things around ME.

    And what is the place whose name shall not be spoken? I must know.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bravo! First Circles of Death, now Laws for Dummies. Who's next? I feel inspired. I think I need to find a good place to vent about sporks (I need to set my sights a little lower).

    Really though, nicely presented.

    ReplyDelete
  4. We could use a miniature entry in the series about "Hunting Accidents"!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tom- Yeah well tell "smarticus" that the object of his obsession sure misses him. I did a search of my screen name over there the other day and I swear that almost EVERY post that had my name contained in it was made either by him or in reference to our ongoing "battle" that is only in his head. Too hilarious. LOL

    Kristen- You do make a good point! lol I think I am mostly focused on laws where people are mostly doing stupid things to themselves. Once other people become involved, it's a whole new ballgame. :) The Place That Shall Not Be Named is a very "lively" political discussion board I was heavily active in at one time. I don't go there much anymore, though, although sometimes I feel its deadly pull. ;)

    Kenny- Although sporks are rather annoying, they are really good at popping eyeballs out of people's heads. I learned that on Alias!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Actually Hunting Accidents are perfect instruments of Natural Selection! We have to THIN OUT the idiots!! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hoo-ah!
    I told my husband recently that seatbelt & helmet laws should apply to those under 18 but beyond that, if you're stupid enough to not use them yourself, go to it! We need more organ donors!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ms. Allie,

    (I felt bad that you didn't get the negative feedback you expected, so here I am to save the day...)

    You say that the government should "butt out" of people's lives in terms of the for-your-own-good laws. Such a position is a direct endorsement of the Satanic philosophy of Darwinism. You sure know how to suck the God right out of a theocracy.

    Darwinism contradicts the notion of Intelligent Design. Darwin is in hell. People who even think about Darwinism are going to hell, too.

    Every bible-humping Christian is a child of God, and deserving of equal protection by the government. Leave Darwinism for the God-hating atheists and other "religions". Maybe a shark will eat them all.

    (Hope you enjoy. It's harder than it looks to come up with all that drivel.)

    Greg

    ReplyDelete
  9. Greg, that takes freakin talent, right there! I swear, I could hear Stephen Colbert saying those words in my head. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well, I've not had cable for about a year - since I moved out of my downtown apartment. And I've not had cable internet access since I moved out of my last place (dial-up here). In other words, I no longer have any input from Colbert or Stewart. The only way I can remain even remotely funny is to try - to the best of my ability - to be them.

    ReplyDelete