It's like the little fucker is grinning at me...Now I need your concensus on another food item that rankles my gastronomic sensibilities to the very core:
Melons.
Namely, cantaloupe and honeydew. Watermelon is just on the brink of being acceptable, but I have to be in the mood for it. It has a fibrous texture that has a tendency to bother me on occasion, but on a hot summer day, its abundant, mildly sweet juiciness is a godsend.
Honeydew is a step below watermelon but only moderately so. I recently made a fruit salad that had honeydew, blueberries, and mango all tossed in a lime-ginger reduction that was fantastic. The dressing had a way of masking what I have come to view as a "garbage" flavor emanating from these dastardly orbs.
This brings me, however, to the ultimate offender. The Hannibal Lecter of fruits, otherwise known as... Cantaloupe.
Oh killer of joyous sustenance consumption!
Oh vile, malicious melon of mirthful malevolence!
You reek of rot, and taste like taint! Be gone from my presence, oh orange-hued perniciousness, and leave only in your wake a withering rind to remind the world that there is such a thing as elemental evil, for that is your only value!
Perhaps when I've restored my smiting power after this little rant, I will go after the citrusy Damien to the melony Satan: Grapefruit. Until then, I only have this left to say to the melons of the world:
You're dead to me.
In that case, you may now call me a devil worshipper, as I have found little that can beat slurping the juice from a slice of tender, ripe, succulent melon. And because I am so happily diverted by todays Instument of Juice-on-my-Lips, I won't disagree with you about the grapefruit. I'm sure I only like it because it gives me a euphoric feeling of happiness to be alive after the sure danger of ingesting it.
ReplyDeleteWhoa Nelly, don't dis my favourite melon! I lived on canteloupe (AKA Musk melon) when I was pg with my first. That's why she's so sweet.
ReplyDeleteGrapefruit, the sourest of all fruits, the dastardly eye squirter, the time waster. Now there's a minion of the devil.
Clara
"Tastes like taint..." That was funny, but the fact that you are familiar with the taste of that little area between the sack and the crack makes me wonder. ;P
ReplyDeleteGranted, Clara, Molly is a sweetheart, but I have to first attribute it to her superior genetics. ;)
ReplyDeleteTF- I could have said that cantaloupe "probably" tastes like how I would "imagine" taint would taste, but it totally would have compromised the flow of my prose. LOL
I think somebody else needs a smite list. But I agree with you, hun. Canteloupe actually causes my throat to get that scratchy feeling.
ReplyDeleteGirl, what's up with you and your melons. i'm half black, I can't live with out my watermelon. LOl!!! But it sounds like you have a real problem with these melons. Man, why pick on such good things? Did they recently giveyou the runs or something? LOL!!! Melon is good, all melon. I guess if you don't eat it, it'll just leave more for me. Hey can I have that recipe you mentioned with the honeydew?
ReplyDeleteI shall duck in shame as I proclaim my love of grapefruit.
ReplyDeleteI salute all you who are making the sacrifice of helping rid our world of these Apocalyptic foodstuffs. :)
ReplyDeleteSee, now I know why we feel a bond Allison. I HATE canteloupe. Okay, okay, perhaps that is too strong a word. Although it hadn't been in the past. I did used to hate them. Although now, if it is one of the few things on a plate before me, I will eat it. But I will never buy it. It stinks! And tastes the same. :)
ReplyDeleteAbout watermelon, this is the first year I am actually enjoying it. But only when the're super firm/fresh. And especially when combined with some feta, etc. Before I could either take them or leave them, and preferred the latter. But my daughter loooves it so I joined her on occasion until, voila, a tolerance must have been built up.
Oh, and remember Julia, fommer BC board host? She used to be in the food industry and insisted that we should all avoid it. Apparently the rind is a breeding ground for salmonella. So you need to either wash them like crazy. If you plan to serve them with the rind. AND also even just before cutting. Because your knife goes through the (salmonella-full) rind .. and then continues into the flesh ...
ReplyDeleteI am a melon lover. The fruit kind, not the kind surgically implanted on chests.
ReplyDeleteProvided it's just ripe, and not over-ripe. I always have to have my fruit just right. Like Goldilocks. Without the bears and the gold hair, that is.
I used to love honey dews and watermelon, but alas... I'm allergic. Burning blisters in the mouth, hives, headaches, the works. Melons are weird anyway. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI have a very strange relationship with melons. I like to eat them but afterwards I feel bad about it because they fill my stomach and I feel awful. Also, some of them have a strange taste and smell which is like rotten? I don't know. Something's wrong with them.
ReplyDelete