Like Pamela Anderson, there's something a little fake up top...1. The Fake Convertible Top: Face it folks, you're not fooling anybody. Having a car with a roof that looks like it might come down is not making you look as cool as someone who has a car with a roof that actually does. In fact, it's making you look like a downright nimrod, but I am not just going to attack the driver on this one. Perhaps he/she bought the car used and they had no choice but to accept the blunder. Fair enough. How about the guy who actually said: "Hey, it would be too much work to make an actual convertible, but we can getcha halfway there!" Yeah, halfway to Dumbville.
Are you faux wheel?2. Wheel Woes: In most cases, outfitting your car with a new set of rims isn't terribly cheap, particularly when you have the desire to get all fancy. A lot of people can't afford to plop down a few grand on the set they really want, but rather than be content with the factory standard while saving the dough, there are some folks who are willing to commit the equivalent of basting a poop kabob with a urine marinade and that is: Plastic Wheel Covers. Oh the humanity. Getting caught with these bad boys is like your girlfriend finding a sock in your shorts. Is there really a factory wheel that is ugly enough to require the attachment of these fancy frisbees? My advice? Wait it out for the real thing, people.
Hey, won't you just go? Away?3. Pissed to Death: How many damn things can Calvin pee on? Seriously. When I see one of those decals, I don't care what the kid is pissing on, I just want to grab my sharpest key and scrape away. Or at least find a decal of Calvin just peeing so I can place it above the OTHER peeing Calivn. Now that would do the trick!
I'm with you on the peeing Calvins. But I have to say, I think wheel covers *are* sometimes necessary...for instance, the '99 Mercury Villager we owned for three years had the most hideous, near-rusty factory wheels I've ever seen. Those wheels made the car look even crappier than it was. The cheap, not very attractive wheel covers (amazing as it sounds) actually improved the look of the car by quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteOf course, we have since dumped the Villager and I would never recommend a car that basically forces you into ugly wheel covers, but we were desperate when we bought it, and desperate times call for desperate measures and all that jazz.
Okay okay, Kristen, you bring up a good point with the wheel covers. :) And there are some cases where people might have missing hubcaps too where something there would be better than nothing. I wish, though, that I could say that such usages were the rule rather than the exception! lol
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up. Where do you get these ideas to blog about? Do they just pop in your head. You never seem to bore me, always having something very interesting to read in here.
ReplyDeleteMy first new car, a super snazzy Ford Escort 4 door, had plastic hubcaps. Yes, I had quite the standout car with those little sizzlers!
ReplyDeleteI, too, loathe the pissing Calvin. The first, say, 3 or 4 times I saw it, back in the early 90s, it was mildly amusing. Now it is just pathetic. Oh, snap, that Calvin is pissing on X! No, you di-n't!
Okay, so I can't find 100% agreement on the plastic wheel covers, but tell me my picture caption wasn't fucking AWESOME! :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't know fake-convertibles even existed!LOOL!
ReplyDeleteI hate that pissing bastard too. It's so annoying. Just cut his freaking penis off!
Oh, your captions are the shit! And I mean that in the good way.
ReplyDeleteTo boot, Calvin is an awesome character. It drives me nuts that he's been portrayed this way.
ReplyDeleteHere's my pet peeve about faux wheel covers: people who are missing one. For some reason this really bugs me. If you can't replace it, take off the other three, people! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, and what about plastic wheel covers with SPINNERS?